Fwd: Politically Incorrect British Humour
I was devastated to find out my wife was having an affair but, by
turning to religion, I was soon able to come to terms with the whole
thing.
I converted to Islam, and we're stoning her in the morning.
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The wife suggested I get myself one of those penis enlargers,
so I did......
she's 21 and her name's Lucy.
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The thing I love most about this hot weather is the short skirts and
low cut tops.... although, they do make me look a bit gay.
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Following the tragic death of the Human Cannonball at the Kent Show, a
spokesman said "We'll struggle to get another man of the same
calibre."
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Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a brick?
A: The brick doesn't follow you home after you lay it.
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Just been to the gym. They've got a new machine in.
Only used it for half an hour, as I started to feel sick.
It's great though. It does everything –
KitKats, Mars Bars, Snickers, Potato Crisps, the lot.."
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Question - Are there too many immigrants in Britain ?
17% said yes; 11% said No; 72% said "I am not understanding the
question please."
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On my Census form there is a question "Do you have any dependants?"
Apparently putting "Hundreds of Africans, Pakistanis, Somalians,
single mums, Romanians, loafers, smack heads, and non-English speaking
people" isn't the right answer.
They've sent my form back.
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Prince William says he doesn't want the traditional fruit cake at his
wedding. Prince Phillip says he doesn't give a toss, he's still going.
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The cost of living has now gotten so bad that my wife is having sex
with me because she can't afford batteries.
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Some bastard's just pinched a pair of my wife's knickers off the
washing line. She's not bothered about the knickers but she wants the
12 clothes pegs back..
