X-Communique from the Management

Dear Employees:

Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown in the
economy, the Management has decided to implement a scheme to put
workers of 40 years of age and above on early retirement..

This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).

Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to the management to be considered for
the SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Forced Termination).

Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW
program (Scheme Covering Retired-Early Workers).

A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as
Management deems appropriate. Persons who have been RAPED could get
AIDS (Additional Income for Dependants & Spouse) or HERPES (Half
Earnings for
Retired Personnel Early Severance).

Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or
SCREWED any further by the Management.

Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much SHIT
(Special High Intensity Training) as possible. The Management has always prided
itself on the amount of SHIT it gives employees. Should you feel that you do
not receive enough SHIT, please bring this to the attention of your
Supervisor, who has been trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle.

Sincerely,
The Management