X - Adult Puns.
Just think, if the Indians had given the Pilgrims a donkey instead of
a turkey, we would all be having a piece of ass this Thanksgiving!
Sue lay sprawled in sweet exhaustion on the bed, wearing a red ribbon
in her bright blonde hair.
Beside her, wearing not even a ribbon, Mark slowly lit two cigarettes
and passed one to her.
For a long moment smoke and silence hung in the air.
Then:
"My mother always told me to be good," Sue said with a little smile. "Was I?"
Moby Dick:
A venereal disease.
A graduate student in speech therapy had two days to cure her patients
of their stutters and earn her PHD.
She came to a therapy session in a revealing outfit and offered a blow
job to anyone who could pronounce the name of the city in which they
were born without stuttering.
The first man stood up and said,
"B-b-b-b-b-b-Boston."
Dejected, he shook his head and sat back down.
The next guy stood and said,
"Ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-Cleveland."
He slapped his thigh in frustration and sat back down.
The third guy stood and without hesitation said,
"Miami."
The female instructor fell to her knees and began performing oral sex
on the man.
After finishing, she looked up and said,
"What do you now have to say?"
He replied,
"B-b-b-b-b-b-Beach!"
Ninety percent of men who try Camels prefer women. (Richard Lederer).
Two girls are sitting in a movie-theater.
"That man beside me is fumbling his crotch", one whispers to the other.
"Just ignore it", is the answer.
"Easy for you to say. He's using my hand!".
Do you suppose the inventor of the vibrator heard a voice that said,
"If you build it, they will come."
Remember to use ALL fingers when waving at a police officer.
Truman Capote was drinking one evening with friends in a Key West bar.
At a nearby table sat an inebriated couple.
When the woman recognized Capote, she approached him and asked for an
autograph. The woman's husband, in a display of drunken jealousy,
staggered over to Capote's table, unzipped his trousers, and in
Capote's own words,
"hauled out his equipment."
As the man did this, he bellowed,
"Since you're autographing things, why don't you autograph this?"
A hush fell over the room, allowing everybody in the bar to hear
Capote's soft, high pitched voice reply,
"I don't know if I can autograph it, but perhaps I can initial it."
"A man's only as old as the woman he feels."
Little Johnny came running into the house and asked,
"Mommy, can little girls have babies?"
"No," said his mom, "Of course not."
Little Johnny then ran back outside and his mom heard him yell to his friends,
"It's okay, we can play that game again!"
Colonel Sanders was a typical male.
All he cared about were legs, breasts, and thighs.
Two car salesmen were sitting at the bar.
One complained to the other,
"Boy, business sucks. If I don't sell more cars this month, I'm going
to lose my fuckin' arse." Too late he noticed a beautiful blonde
sitting two stools away.
Immediately, he apologized for his bad language.
"That's okay," the blonde replied, "If I don't sell more arse this
month, I'm going to lose my fuckin' car."
Bonus Puns.
Boy : Can I touch your software?
Girl : First, show me your hardware..
Boy : Should I install it in your system?
Girl : Cover it with anti-virus and then install..
A very sexy and attractive female employer meets her boss and says:
" Sir, will you please remove something from my breast?"
Boss: "Vow!! what's that?"
She : "Your eyes sir "
SEX :
It is science with wife..
It is an art with a girlfriend..
It is commerce with a prostitute..
And It is just a social service with Auntie's..
