XX- ADULT PUNS!
Good girls think the office is the wrong place to have a romance
Bad girls think no place is the wrong place
Naughty girls have sex all over the place
There's something about women that attracts me,
And
I'm trying to put my finger on it.
"Until I married your father, I never slept with a man," a stern mother told
her wild teenage daughter.
"Will you be able to tell your daughter the same thing?"
Her daughter replied,
"Sure, Mom, but probably not with such a straight face!"
The difference between mono and herpes is
You get mono when you snatch a kiss.
An Irishman went to the doctor and was asked to give a urine sample.
The Irishman asked,
"What's a urine sample?"
The doctor replied,
"Go piss in a bottle."
The Irishman retorted,
"Go shit in your hat!"
And the fight was on.
Way down in the deep south, in an area known as the 'Bible Belt,' there
lived a Baptist minister with a very large congregation.
One morning, after a particularly moving sermon, he announced,
"Friends I have been hearing very nasty rumours!"
The crowd fell into an expectant silence.
The Minister continued,
"One of you, here among us, has been reporting that I am a member of the
dreaded 'Klu Klux Klan'. This, of course, is not true! I am asking that the
guilty party confess and apologize now - right here - before my flock of
loyal followers."
Sister Margaret quickly stood up and pleaded,
"Preacher, please, I don't know how this all came to be. I just mentioned to
one of my close friends that you were a wizard under the sheets."
What do you get when you cross an Owl and a Rooster?
A cock that stays up all night.
This young couple have been trying to have a baby.
After six months they complain to the doctor that they just aren't having
any luck.
"What position are you in when you ejaculate?" the physician asks Frank, the
husband.
"What's 'ejaculate'?" asks Frank.
"Well, uh, that's when you climax and semen is emitted," explained the
doctor patiently.
The young man looks puzzled for a few moments then asks,
"Do you mean the gooey white stuff? Well, my little honey says it's icky, so
I shoot it into the pillow."
A mother can get pregnant while nursing,
But
it's much easier if she removes the baby from her breast and puts him to
sleep first.
The wife appeared before the judge and said,
"I want a divorce from that jerk over there."
The judge said,
"Why do you want the divorce?"
"Because he's a terrible lover."
The judge asked,
"How long have you been married?"
"Fourteen years," she replied.
"I don't understand. Why did you wait 14 years to divorce your husband for
being a terrible lover?"
She said,
"Because, your honour, until this insurance salesman stopped by my house
last week, I didn't know."
Ant hole:
Where an uncle likes to come.
